Delphi-K nowadays

On That Silent Night

2011-12-24T19:52:00.000-08:00

And it all starts again on that silentnight at the hour of late,

birds of prey roam the darkened sky forthe kill and vulchers await,

hail thy might, madness of the godswrath on the challengers of their own fate,

thus sons of Adam at paradise lost,tyrants and slaves who exchange their state,

captives of lights that shines only onwho holds the keys to the pearly gate.

Dawn Upon You ......

2011-10-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Dawn upon you, by the blood that quenched your thirst.

Dawn upon you, dusk to an end, into bright lights immersed.

Dawn upon you, and all masked by dark doomed and cursed.

Dawn upon you, trials of denial will only take matters to the worst,

can't you see, ironic is life, and in these matters, its well versed.

Fail me now .....

2011-09-17T16:58:00.000-07:00

Fail me now, before I catch a glimpse of your heart,

fail me now, I need not the agony of path grows apart,

fail me now, 'cause I am weak and I would never be that smart,

fail me now, it's better to kill a story before its start.

Death By Dawn.......

2011-08-09T19:32:00.001-07:00

I leave it all far behind, for a doorway into the bright,

comforts dreams of an afterlife, relinquish said might,

steel of the cold, blades of the swift, blood and dark sight,

few burning white candles, in a world of eternal night.

Said dreams, said hopes, and a gamble of time short,

said stars beyond reach, distances of loneliness consort,

beyond said pearly gates, promises of rest unending extort,

what a wager, said illusions from what's owned distort.

Dusk calls upon the heart with a breeze, “come, sleep,”

“come, for those with burdens, secrets of pleasure I keep!”

sands of cool within my toes, gazing at a black pit steep,

I grin, with visions of dawn's beams that cut the flesh deep.

The Walk.......

2011-08-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Wishes of blunt truth, visions of only deceptive lies,

intoxicated, fooled, in blindness would surmise,

gray eats green, while it won't do when all dies.

Sound of steady steps, and silent words wise,

the distance remains apart, as the walk implies,

reasons that keep the world same within your eyes.

Of Light And Anger.....

2011-07-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

I seek that darkness within, to unleash it upon the earth,
push these fears away, difficult that light within rebirth,
eye for an eye, and a fight in turmoil for what is worth.

Winds of change would pass me by, if I would for a second relent,
storms of anger I blow away, take out all what is wrong and bent,
to breath fire, to know rage, to glare upon death's eyes with content.

You might hunt the world, and you might grab it by the tail,
you might devour souls in seek of thrills, and goons would hail,
you might got the devil by the horns, but you will never prevail.

Through out the journey of dark and bright, I became alive,
those words I speak for spite, these feelings that make me thrive,
I keep the dark anger within, with mercy's light, just to survive.

Let this Be........

2011-03-24T17:18:00.001-07:00

Oh, silent words I wish to speak, those which lead my way to you,

fear not dear one, happiness and light bloomed sky is what I want for thee,

and so, I break not, I cry not, I regret not gifts of moments with smiles few,

I am, I am still, though time and place, in spite, would prevent me to be,

I let go of you, such the new days come, such I wish not but do.

A Year......

2010-11-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

The winds will still blow, as another of those years goes by,

seems like hours ago, that I had glanced upon the world of men,

along the grains will fall, as the hour glass tries to keep time that will fly,

thus the irony of what was, what will be, and what I see over and again,

I wish you all the greatness, all the happiness, all the dreams beyond the sky,

such is my soul, my thoughts, and the words I speak, ink , and pen.

Toward The 20th Ghost - e-book review

2010-10-04T06:16:00.000-07:00

When you pick up this book, do not expect a cheap fright, a chill down your spine from a gory image, nor an imaginary tap on the shoulder from icy fingers. Just do not expect it. But just in case I am not clear enough, this is not your usual kick-in-the-pants weekend afternoon entertainment. This collection shifts pace, style, and tongue for the sole purpose of finding an angel that will terrify you.

As a collective, “Toward The 20^th Ghost” is not as hard to categorize as promoted; but rather its unusual scenery and events set it apart from your usual peekaboo horror stories, unify its 20 visions under a state of dark and unsettling mood that leave you with anything but ease and comfort. The visions included within this collection give the word “haunting” a new meaning, with no credit to the supernatural elements of the stories; the disturbing ideas, motiveless causalities, and away-from-rainbow endings will definitely wander about your head for years to come.

As far as short stories go, Khalifa's visions are just without inhibitions nor filters; might be shocking for some, revealing for others, unbearable for most, but most certainly they unfold without restraints nor reserves. I enjoyed reading these stories, simply because they are not bounded by “normal” moral dilemmas nor “expected” righteousness, and it is rare that I come across such a thing, that is free and clear from all projections that satisfy hidden agendas or preachy messages. The only thing left to mention here is my favorite one of these 20 stories – and for a very known reason for me – “Ink” took that place in my heart.

Note: You can buy a copy from amazon.com or from smashwords.com ; or you can get FREE COPIES through the Toward 20 ^th Ghost website or via the Storyteller blog.

Update: “Toward The 20^th Ghost” is now also available in Egypt through Souq.com

Bombs Away : How Low is Low - The Fantaloupe Fiasco .....

2010-09-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

The Fantaloupe Ad : Translation included in article

It always amazes me how certain people are capable of finding new lows, even when no one else has imagined it in their wildest of dreams. That statement should summarize the words I intend to lay upon you today, but instead placing at the very end of my thoughts, as I derive my conclusions from analysis as I am use to, I chose to begin with it. Excuse me if my words seems too harsh, but I am infuriated, and trust me, the words I wrote are not as harmful or as nasty as I would like them to be. Bottom-feeders are a fact of life, I know that, but to allow that mentality to spread, to let it be known openly that it is acceptable behavior, is something I would not stand for, and will always fight. Now if such a message is embedded into a product TV Ad, the repercussions are simply catastrophic.

Generally speaking, a good product Ad has two functions, the first being to introduce the product to the target demographic, the second being to establish the quality(ies) which are of value to the target demographic, and hence the intended individuals will buy it. Mind you, I'm not saying that all of them do exactly those two functions, but however, it's more or less revolving around these two; but however, most of the advertiser choose to try and fool consumers into buying the products they advertise about, and using their ignorance against them, I remember from my younger years the famous “#1” trick, although it could have been a good trick, but however, suddenly all of the products became #1, which in consequence led to the loss of credibility in the idea of “#1”. I even remember other tricks such as promoting a normal step in the process of manufacturing as a quality of a product, a famous example would be the “Lucky Strike” campaign “it's toasted”, all tobacco must be toasted before cut and rolled into cigarettes, it's a STANDARD part of the process.

In recent years, advertisers found themselves in a pickle, they are asked to promote products that are the same as their peers, products that have no qualities that set them apart from others in the same categories, none-the-less, they have to draw attention to the products they promote, make their image stick to the consumer mind, and thus Ad models came to life!!! Instead of promoting by quality, it is done via exploitation, by placing a very attractive, sexy, and desirable model into the frame with the product, that is how the attention of the consumer is drawn among other things that I don't wish to get into. Now do not get me wrong, its at least a way of drawing attention setting aside the side effects, and come to think of it, the “pretty” people needs jobs too!!!

However, some advertisers decided to go another direction, which is acting a somewhat of an unusual sketch or scene, where the product come in as an answer. Fair enough, but along came the strays that made more decadent, preying on the sense humors or even sexual needs of the recipients; a famous example of that kind of choice will be the “Axe” “Wash Your Balls” Ad –I kid you not– and to be fair, it's a good Ad, although it stretches out the limit on the “sense of humor”. Anyhow, I get the point with all above types, most of the time you need to resort to “unusual” ways to attract an audience, but what really pissed me off, is something very different and has a new kind of low.

In the last few weeks, Fanta Egypt decided to run an Ad about their new product the Fanta Cantaloupe, or in short the “Fantaloupe”, allow me to describe the Ad so you would get what pissed me off about it, you can skip the next few lines if you have already seen it. The Ad is scene about a meeting to convince a board of executives of the new product in question, an executive complains about the worker –who's name is Mesilehi– and that he chose the Cantaloupe as a new flavor, however, he gets convinced by a “suck up” –sorry, I could not get a better identification term for him– that it's a good choice, and then to taste it for himself, the executive then asks about the number of bottles produced for this product, the “suck up” answers three hundred thousand –is that sort of expected sales for this flavor– , another executive asks what is solution if they were not to sell, the “suck up” then devise the perfect plan to make the worker buy them and fire him, end scene, screen reads “Save Mesilehi … Drink Fantaloupe”.

Now, I am going to flip the coin both sides to clarify the thoughts I had about this “Ad”. Let us assume that consumers realize that this is merely an act to sell the product, and that the people who appear or mentioned in this Ad are merely a figment of imagination of a really sick mind –I had another word in mind but I decided to use this one instead–, doesn't this makes Coca Cola –owner of the Fanta products– seem like begging the public for money? Doesn't this shows how this company treat their employees if one of their investments was placed in a product that an employee developed? Isn't that a PR nightmare? And above all, what was going through the advertiser who came up with this idea, what made him think of such a situation, unless he has seen one before?

Now, let us assume –I know this idiotic but let us go through it anyway– that consumers realize that the people who appeared and mentioned in that Ad are real –didn't I say it is idiotic– !!! Will they sympathize with Mesilehi? Will they buy the product out of mere sympathy that would only last until the 300000 bottles run out? Or will it backfire and produces a massive boycott –I'm assuming an activist and naïve type of consumer here – that could bankrupt Coca Cola Egypt and Mesilehi is better off in a company that appreciate his inventions? And again I would ask about the bad public image and the PR nightmare, and again I would ask what was going through the advertiser mind?

On a more serious note, oh yes I was making fun of the person who came with this idea, how did these questions slip through the decision makers involved in that “Ad”, how many absent-minded persons did this skip? Or maybe they were not absent-minded and understand completely what they are doing, using ignorance of the consumers against them? The answer in both cases are terrifying and offensive in nature. This “Ad” can only work in one situation, if the people are indifferent about the whole thing and consider it as a joke –as in Mesilehi will get fired, hahaha, kind of joke–, in other words, the consumers have to be careless, very selfish and self-centered; hmmm, that might explain why they used Mesilehi as name –a common farmer name– instead of Sayed –a common worker name– , doesn't it ? –who would think that there something called name profiling ? And even this they can't get it right–However, I assume then that I get the type of implicit message for “the target consumers” –and what kind they are– .

At the end, I like to add that this is a full fledged campaign, with it's youtube video, Facebook group, and twitter account; you can check them all from the official site of Fanta, http://fantaegypt.com/, I kid you not. Please do not get me wrong, I do not mean to attack Coca Cola in itself, I'm attacking the individuals who were responsible of offending me by such a message, and in my own humble opinion should be fired –maybe then I could laugh about the matter, poetic justice and whatnot–; it is because of these individuals that I will never ever try that product of theirs, and please bare in mind that I would not be alone who takes this action, but I can only speak for myself.

Those Rhymes Within .....

2010-08-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

Sorrow drowns my heart, and I would fight not for a breath.

How dare I dream, how dare I care, Whilst united with death?

I belong to the land beyond this realm, the bound of the unseen,

escape these cold hearts, vicious smiles, and everything in between.

Dark thoughts I carry, cannot share with neither foes nor friends.

How can I walk the path, the one away from all my desires bends?

How can I see, How can I feel, While thy true colors are never shown?

Ha! and I have been wondering, how does one turn oneself into stone?

Hard are the days, hard are my ways, and hard upon the world I reflect,

lives dwell into the black, with every ill and sorrow as they wait to infect,

I would cut my heart out ,can no longer bare these feelings within my chest,

and I would lay aground, keeping time until those moments of eternal rest.

But I am....

2010-07-26T02:33:00.000-07:00

It shatters again, and a million pieces will cover the sky,

it shatters again, but what's once after a thousand more?

It shatters again, without a heard sound it should die,

but who cares, a lesson never learned, as always, as before.

Sunsets, clouds dipped in light and blood set my world right,

high tides, rage of the waves at sea, would comfort my soul,

winds in face, sand storms will keep me standing at full sight,

but who dares, to walk the fury and the blazing road in a stroll?

I am, all the reasons, all the conditions, that created me,

I am, all the illogical, all the madness, all the darkness white,

I am, that distanced dream, that eagle that roams the sky free,

but I accept, my ill-destined path, my eternal silence plight.

Thoughts Of The Insane : The Humpty Dumpty Effect.....

2010-06-26T00:18:00.000-07:00

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King's horses, And all the King's men .... Couldn't put Humpty together again!”

Simple words from a nursery rhyme, as old as the age of the English speaking nations, that puzzles humans till this very day, and yes, it was intended as a riddle, one that has been covered up by the naive association with the egg character; Humpty Dumpty was never an egg, but some thought it would better to insinuate to others that he was, and since he's an egg, he couldn't be saved from his “great fall”. The question then remains : Was that the original intent of the riddle? Or is it otherwise?

My attempt to tackle such a riddle was not without motive; I simply wondered about the third verse, why was it necessary to reference the “king's” horses and men as the saviors of Humpty Dumpty, why was it necessary to dispatch the most authoritative and highly trained resources – in respect of the time that poem was written – to save an egg? Come to think of it, the misdirection of fragility of Humpty Dumpty, makes it easier for the misguided to believe he was an egg; we're willing to admit that we could not save him because he was a trivial fragile existence, but that's it , we can save everything else.

Some may refer this behavior as arrogance, but the truth is, it's denial. The third verse highly suggests that even the most capable could not repair anything once it shatters. So now we can widen the horizon a little more, like what Humpty Dumpty did; oh yeah, he “sat” on a wall, sat not walked on, not jumped around on it, he SAT on it, so what happened that made him lose balance and fall?

The wall was high, since the fall was “great”, I can only assume or predict that he had a wider perspective of the world around him since the wall was high. I also will assume or predict that something came into his field of vision that troubled him to the level of losing balance and falling , and here comes the tricky part with that rhyme, what was it that he “saw” in a wider perspective of his world that led to his shattering and by consequence, the failure to save him.

Terrible thoughts will roam your mind right now, I know, this is the purpose of the riddle and poem, to warn those who aspire to be the Humpty Dumptys in life; for once one passes the threshold that protects our merely pathetic comprehension of life, one must be ready for the troubling realizations in consequences of such a wider perspective, and then none, not even the most capable of humans can help one put oneself back together, because simply they do not comprehend life at that level.

At that note I 'll leave the words to wonder inside your mind, as I have been letting them wonder inside my own. I might be wrong in my analysis, and, by consequence, my interpretation of the poem, however, it's just a thought of mine.

Thoughts Of The Insane : On Self Confrontation.....

2010-06-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

I have lost the sound of my own voice, the way I compose sentences and make the words take my shape and color, simple, direct, and beyond “normal” reason. I 'm not one for forcing out an idea upon pages, it always seems to me as if the words I force out are synthetic, a complete farce, pretentious, an attempt to find meaning in a rather meaningless thought, even if it is a valid one. The truth is, I lost count of my attempts trying to lay words into place about self confrontation, then I realized the elementary cause of my failure; although self-confrontation is a fairly simple task, it is an uncomfortable and harsh process, and thus discussing it should be equally as uncomfortable and harsh, just beyond the realm of my simple and sarcastic expressions. So forgive me for what I 'm about to do; I 'll shed my skin and show my fangs.

While on the quest of a definition, the answers in such a realm did not even come close to assertive and concrete information, google the phrase “self-confrontation” and you'll see some of the most unrelated results to the subject!!! The fallacies surrounding the task of self-confrontation are indeed a human desired conditioning, to defy oneself into the vision of the truth is a self-destructive act in most cases; we're not the most noble nor the most beautiful of creatures, one look at that ugly fact is enough to send weak characterized human 's mind to roam around the fine line that isolates sanity from insanity forever, and come down to it, we're all weak, even if it was for brief moments. The reasons stand, but, however, it is still needed to know the how-to of that act despite the risks, humans need to better themselves, and thus the necessity to swim across the dark waters.

Don't wet your feet just yet, we don't know what exactly we are searching for!! But let's set aside what you know about the matter for just now, let me tell you what I think about it; “self-confrontation” is a process where one explores the deepest of pits of one's spirit to reach oneself, realize the flaws within and hence decides either to accept or work on rectifying these ills. Easy, right??? NO IT IS NOT, self-reflective analysis will only lead you astray from the real issues you suffer from, and hence you'll reaffirm the illusion that you're alright. “self-projection” is the keyword here, and that's the first and foremost reason self-confrontation is not an easy task.

What is “self-projection” ? Let's just start with the easy stuff first, what is “projection”? Freud defines it as “the unconscious act of denial of a person's own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, such as to the weather, the government, a tool, or to other people. Thus, it involves imagining or projecting that others have those feelings.” – pretty heavy stuff, yes I know, what do you expect from a person with a lot of mummy issues – in plain English, lads and gents, he means that projection is when one unconsciously blame the surroundings – people, society, tools, … – for what ever is wrong with oneself. Close but not enough, I will, however, force what I think down your throats, I think projection is just an act of denial, that casts a blindfold onto your eyes to see only what you want to see, whether it's related to a personal flaw or otherwise – see how much simpler things get when you abstract 'em, without the mummy issues –.

Now that we're done with the easy stuff, let us go a little deeper, what is self-projection? Since Freud did not inform us about that one, please give me the honors, self-projection is the act of finding resemblance between one's issues and those of others, and hence deduce that the world is just a mirror staring you back in the face. This is the most dangerous of acts that one could make, remember the self-reflective analysis, that's what they lead to exactly; as a consequence, one might find it okay to be flawed as the world around us suffers from the same defects; and because it's an illusion, one keeps from confronting oneself. So away with the conviction that the world is as ugly as yourself, it's ugly, I know, but not as misguided nor as rotten as you are.

Just a little further now, since we now know the reasons keeping us from completing such a task, it is obvious that we cannot rely on ourselves to perform the exploration of ourselves, paradoxical as it is, we cannot be trusted with our own spirits; hence, we have to see ourselves through the eyes of others. And hence the confusion: we have too see our image projected within the minds of others; to do just that, one must be aware at all time of every gesture, every peep, and every expression others throw at you, others have this way of telling you the truth while they're lying to your face, you have felt this before, but you chose to close your eyes and not see. Now, as you know what exactly to look for, it will be easier to mark all perception of you through the mystic haze of lies.

I know, sometimes it makes you loathe others, for now you can see the reality of what they think of you, but do not forget, you're one of them, just more enlightened now, so no excuses there, but we're all flawed, and remember that you're doing this process to better yourself, comparing now is useless, without value, you're in a race with yourself, against yourself, and the time left for you to figure out your meaning and purpose; and that should be your only drive through the days. In the end, the only thing that counts is how you put yourself to use. At that mark, you will realize that your flaws are your life's work, and its a dog eat dog world out there; so let the question float above your head at all times: Who is going to win, you or you? So that's how I would place my words on self confrontation,it is just a thought!!

Thoughts Of The Insane : My World Beyond.....

2010-03-01T15:20:00.000-08:00

Insanity seems to be the texture of my logic and words to others, I knew that perception for sometime now, I also knew that I could not ignore the calls of my mind, the calls to dig on deeper, to see and feel beyond just simple colors and defined shapes. I have realized that I will not put off the roaring fires of long answerless questions, those fires fuel me, fuel what I 'm, and give me that edge that drives me to be all I can be. I shall not simplify my actions nor thoughts for others, that is not why I exist, but I would try to reveal the logic behind 'em, that is my way to build bridges instead of burning 'em.

It's the saddest truth of all, not being able to convey one's thoughts as sound as they formulate into one's brain. These thoughts are all what one could share with the world, and without those, a human can pass on by the lives of others without touching them through out the years. Without that ability, one's purpose is simply gone, and one's life is perceived as meaningless. It's the most heavy of burdens -that I do not wish for anyone to endure- to lose the all common logic grounds with others and dealing with the frustrations that comes with it.

I 'm one, I know that much, and as consequence, that burden is mine to carry. I do not regret the path I walked to reach this point, the point of no-return, there is a reason for me to become what I became. I simply wish for the rest of world to at least, understand that their way is not the only one, there are many others, granted that they include factors of the unknown and risks of great failures, but none-the-less they do exist.

As far as conveying thoughts go, I've been trying to make clear the thought that transformed me from an average-Joe to a man with a unique identity. I know most of us need firm grounds to stand upon, rules to abide by, it comes within our nature since we live on physical ground, but have you ever took a minute or two into posing the question “What if?”, eliminating the possibility a reasonable doubt, proving to yourself that these rules are sound; allow me to go a bit further and ask : what if those rules are made to support the illusion of a life, what if the solid ground we stand upon is really not there? And thus, my world beyond the world was formed, upon concepts and perceptions conceived within those moments. I don't wish for you to follow my path, the only that could have walked it is me, but I beg of you to try and find your calling and your land of peace.

Portrait.......

2009-11-11T00:50:00.000-08:00

The heart turns black, as the winds in rage began to roar,
the skies darkens and thickens, calls upon his name no more,
long gazes in his soulless eyes, upon hopes that will never soar,
rain cages him in, soaked roads reflect a face he began to abhor,
upon that rocking chair he stays, white flags raised to end the war,
for the universe had been generous with signs he could not ignore.

The Thoughts Of The Insane : On Love And Fallacies ........

2009-10-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

She quoted: “True love never dies, even if you have found a new love, the sweet memory of the past will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life.”.

For me to really clarify what's wrong about this statement – I 'm not even going to call it a quote, by definition, a quote is a fact which is stated in words that lasts forever and never loses its meaning throughout time – I have to dissect it into smaller pieces and prove from there the fallacies that each piece contains.

So at the very beginning, “True love never dies”, to start, what is “true love”, I do not think such a thing even exists, have anyone ever heard about “untrue love” or “false love”, there's only “love”. I know that we define multiple levels of emotional attachments as “love”, but it really isn't; moreover, by that definition, pure physical attractions, emotional attention cravings, and even relationship familiarity can be defined as “love”, while clearly it's not. I know that on that specific subject a lot of confusion exists, and hence terms as “true love” are created and accredited as an existing fact; for one to really see through the blurriness of such confusions, one must to try to define “love” to the most deep of aspects.

Now, to the “never dies” part, this is purely emotional wishful thinking rather than rational, I do not know of any evidence that supports that assumption, although, in respect of all ideals, we hope it's true. However, I know of a fact that defies that assumption, which is “Anything that has a beginning, has an end”, with the subject at hand, when “love” begins, it destined to an end, even if it is after a long while, it's not an endless cycle; however grim that sounds, it's true. It always requires two to tango, and as such in love, two have to be involved at all times, once one side has severed the emotional connection for any reason, love cease to exist between the two of them, reminiscing or “one-sided love” - also another false term accredited as a fact, the true word to describe it is admiration - is no love.

“even if you have found a new love”, personally, I like to think that there's nothing called “new love”, since I personally like to believe that “love” only happens once in a lifetime, but I have no evidence supporting that wishful assumption; so I can agree with that part of the statement on rational basis. Moreover, I would not count an “previous love” as “love”, I believe that once one encounters that mystical event, everything is negotiable, compromises will be reached on all levels to reach the status of “we” instead of “me”; if a failure in compromises occurred, then I do not believe that love has occurred in the first place, there's a “no cost is too high” principal involved here; I know, very naïve belief on on my part, but this is how I choose to see and understand the aspects on that part of the matter.

“the sweet memory of the past will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life.” now this part I do not just disagree with, but also hate; it shows real everlasting weakness, the words used even indicate that clearly – as far as I know, the author of that statement is someone who didn't even have the guts to use his full name, and refers to himself as only Jeffery!! –; reminiscing about “lost love” - yet, another false term- is originated from the feelings of being unloved -emotional needs with no dissipation-, reviving the thought of being loved sort-of-speak, does that seem right? Letting residual emotions -or even the illusion of residual emotions- and attention cravings cloud one's sky? How can one get on with one's life this way? I don't simply wonder about the answers to those questions, truth is that after sometime one learns to deal with those, and by time their significance just diminish. Opening Pandora's box again is just a way of self tormenting and will lead to no good, as an example, tricking oneself into thinking that a current emotional connection is more than it really is, a typical “re-bound” situation, ending in not just hurting oneself, and also others, greatly.

No one enjoys being alone, I know that much, but to allow it to fog up one's vision and side-track one's thoughts is the most dangerous action one can take. Facing up to the fact that currently no one is in dire need of your existence for such a purpose is too much to take, but sometimes things are how they are, should one cave in, or should one simply create other purposes for one's existence?

Chasing Thoughts Of You..........

2009-09-11T02:18:00.000-07:00

Sleepless I lay until the dark would hide in fear of light,

dreaming as I stare at the daring rays filling the room.

Captive of thoughts that seem to keep your face in my sight,

I know those are illusions, but they make happiness bloom.

Am I going through it again? Or is it merely attempts to revive my heart?

Long that I had faith in my own reason, but now I doubt what I feel,

answers that would reveal those secrets, the universe will never impart,

maybe that is my fate, to remain torn within the mays and the real.

for a dream , I do not wish to walk the roads of hurt,

but the path leads me back here, what am I then to do?

again as the sun sets, I find myself to that state revert,

and I would outlast the night, chasing thoughts of you.

Breaking The Vicious Circle-Part2 : The Long Road Ahead......

2009-08-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

So it has been a while since I have admitted that life had the upper hand on me … it has been long since I have let the ease of living stall my everyday struggle, it has been surely sometime since I had caved in for the truth, whatever that might be. But fear not lost one, I'm surely one with weakness, one with vulnerabilities, one with sins that shades the black into gray. I 'm not all that powerful nor all that righteous, but however, I try, I try to break through like any of you, and I'll carry on if that what it takes.

It 's a long road ahead, the one that tires that troubled mind, the one that aches the existence of this very soul, but however, that first step is the longest stride... right? Once your feet get into the moving, it never stops, and it should never stop, so to vanquish that pain, to kill that numbness, you have to push and push through, it is no bed of roses, and no easy ride, but however, it is the road you have to take to get out of that vicious circle, the one that has been eating you alive.

So patience fellow human, the words will follow through, the light shall be at the end of that tunnel, you just have to believe that there's one. But beware, not all life is about that continuous struggle, it is about living. Let me emphasis a little more on that idea, living, some define as passing time, but however, I think it is the ratio of one's experiences against successes, of course there are going to be failures, but however, failures are there to learn from them, as much as success. So leave those surrendering ideas, we have to be strong now.

To state the truth here, thinking hard against hardly thinking is a tormenting way of existence. Reason and common sense will sometimes fail you, it is then that you reach out for any helping hand extended to you, not that those are laying around and found easily, but none-the-less, you will look for them desperately. That blind faith that we embrace, the one that states that everything is going to be alright, have to be eradicated, there might be a self-solution for every situation, but not the best one. Increasingly that I observed lives gone in the eye of twister for that belief, and I have to say including my own. Only recently that I have realized what I should to do, to break that circle.

The way your thoughts dilute you, is nothing more than the way your mind trying to force out the idea that something is wrong with the rules you abide to, the axioms that you have longed believed in blindly and now start to question their validity. I know, sure things in life are what have many people tried before you, and appeared to work for them, I 'm not saying that what seems to you a success, is a failure, but it might be from a certain point of view; nothing is evaluated and measured through a single angle. I guess what I 'm trying to say to you is, there's no single truth about anything, the way issues are perceived can render deduced solutions right or wrong. So with that into mind, the simple answer here is derive your own rules, make sense of them, and most importantly, that these set of rules will make you happy.

On that path, weighting things at certain perspective can convince you to believe in them, but however, it will make you uncomfortable; emotions are such mysterious things, but search deep within, you'll find the reasons that had provoked those emotions, the facts that compose that person which you are, the facts that you try to deny about yourself, listen to those, because whenever you don't, that distinguished pain is going to be strobing right back into the back of your mind.

Yes, facing your own truth is only way out of that vicious circle, because only then you'd realize what you truly want out of this life. Terrifying, I know it is, but again how can you know the ingredients which will render your life all shining and glorious unless you define yourself clearly, at least to yourself; it's unnecessary that others know, if you want that life on the edge, you have to stand out, not to be compliant with people surrounding you.

Learn .....

2009-07-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Sun down, but it ain't the end of the storm,

still bright within that soul, I 'm still warm.

Wind blows in my face, but I still stand,

it fills my eyes, but I would still fight the sand.

Since I broke, there's no more despair,

I won't lead that life, searching for the fair,

the man learns, the man grows more wise,

the man sees his life, man grows custom of lies.

No, it ain't the stories of sadness, but those of truth,

innocence have blinded, and those dreams of youth.

No, ain't going to fight for it no more,

ain't worth it those dreams, those that lead to no shore.

I have seen now, the cruel and its ways,

I have realized now, the reasons of the strays,

as pours down, tears of the heaven in rain,

I learn, to use resilience instead of pain.

The Spirit...

2009-06-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

Long days had passed, and so I silently stood,
just mesmerizing, the way that I could,
what I cared about, what I misunderstood,
trying to catch dreams, the crave for all good.
I left it all, to the time for the taken,
I forgot it all, dreams before the awaken,
I knew it all, pains of hopes forsaken,
I believed it all, could not be more mistaken.
Although the words were spoken, the tongue still conceal,
truth of one's heart, true fears it will not reveal,
is it not time, to mend the wounds and heal?
I just wonder, why for my mind happiness is surreal?
Out of breath I'm, but have to summon the force,
to get up once again, cannot bare more remorse,
will let go of pain and plans that ran out of course,
had to embrace it, the spirit of the wild horse.

Why Should I Care ? .....

2009-05-24T00:57:00.000-07:00

Reasons as seasons will always change,

and as fallen apart, time will life rearrange,

and if life isn't about living, why should I let it scare?

Honestly speaking, why should I even care?

hating me, and all I'm supposed to be,

had to give it all up, before the insanity,

longed to be free,and those chains are confining me,

had to break all, the sky is only what I want to see.

Those words I use, those words I magically play,

those stories foretold, echoing in the head at the end of the day.

I just don't need this anymore, what seems to be the right way,

I've left it all behind, ruins in flames and winds of gray.

When all come down tumbling, when all is too much to bare,

I used to all face, to all stand up and accept the dare,

about a lasting pain I used to speak, now I just breathe the air,

I guess all boils down to one question, why should I care?

I Would Tell ......

2009-04-13T15:59:00.000-07:00

I would tell my truth, but what if illusions are only what I see?

I would tell my sins, but what if white is all what I can be?

I would tell and tell again, but what could it change about me?

I would tell, but I know those lengthly words can't set me free.

I know, yes I know, those roads of fate branching out like an old tree,

I dream, yes I dream, those days with the sun by the side of the sea,

I care, yes I care, those loads I lift alone and brought me on the knee,

I love, yes I love, those wise ways I leave behind on that chasing spree.

Those grains, in the hour glass, slipping away soundless,

those dreams, in the blue sky, wondering around aimless,

these steps, upon a darkened path, tripping over shameless,

that voice, in a void space, shouting aloud tireless.

And again, I would tell, in hopes that might change the days,

thinking about those cries, all those arrogant self-righteous ways,

I try to knock off those walls, take a risk on a million mays,

but again, who knows, I might have lost it, one of those strays.

Walk Away.......

2009-03-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

Clouding my thoughts, the remains of a moonless night,
keeping my words from slipping away free,
maiming away those feelings, to serve them right,
to long, to miss, to crave, a known to me fee.

I should known better the first time around,
but spells casted silenced the voices most wise.
I sobered up on the deafening brutal truth sound,
shattered the dark, and broke down all the lies.

You think are so subtle, those signals of yours,
you try to force your way back into my world,
no matter how hard you push, sealed shut are those doors,
I have seen, I have understood, that morality curled.

Walk away, I want to see your face no more.
Walk away, I will not play that game of seek and hide.
Walk away, I will not grant you what you're begging for.
Walk away, for you no place remains by my side.

No Words.....

2009-02-22T16:41:00.000-08:00

No words can tell that disgusting tale,

no words can reveal your many ways to fail,

no words can cover the stench of your stale,

no words can describe how cheap was that sale,

no words can my great despise really unveil.

Venom ....

2009-02-22T15:55:00.000-08:00

Right were you, felt like a black star into space

Right were you, inequality is the mark of our bond

Right were you, lost in known to me place

Right were you, a dream from truth far beyond

Words of fake promises, cold as swords of steel

Being nice isn’t an excuse, to make me suffer by your side

Don’t lie! It’s hard to believe that you don’t feel

For what would I deserve into hell the most painful ride?

Seas of darkness you leave me in, are you that heartless?

How can I forgive, while you’re playing with me that wicked game

Fires you leave in a wooden doll, more than just careless

Feeling ashamed from being me, as grow to eat the flames

Pictures of smiles gone into the tornado of red blaze

Rain that melts the green, uncovers the gray below

Hated to see, hated to feel, that black haze

Nothing more than a toy, feeling-less man of snow

Thought I was embraced by an angel’s light

Time has come to ruin all what had wished to be

After all you have said, you were right

With that silence you speak, gave me that venom that kills me

Note: Again I post an old poem, this one is seven years of age, funny how does history repeat itself.....

I'm Here

2009-02-20T12:06:00.001-08:00

Against the winds I stood tall,

I grew much stronger after all,

it did not break me, it did not maul,

still the angels guard my soul,

I'm here, and I'll never crawl.

Hate........

2009-02-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

Hate my mortal weakness,

hate my thoughts of you,

hate my statements soundless,

hate what you force me into.

Hate that pride pointless,

hate all what I knew,

hate my words harmless,

hate all what I only can view.

Hate my mind restless,

hate that truth you skew,

hate that torture endless,

hate that none I can do.

Hate that life aimless,

hate that there's no clue,

hate those questions answerless,

hate myself, and I hate you.

A New Valentine's Day .... A New Love Story ...

2009-02-14T09:12:00.000-08:00

So I began the day like any other day, however, it didn't go as usual .... thanks to my good friend and the "better copy of me" Ahmed Khalifa... I checked his blog, and to my suprise he had published another short story that I could not put down until I devoured the very last word .... it's truly amazing what that guy can do with words.... see for yourself .... the following lines are from today's blog post:

"Cold love and Candy boxes

Hi there. It's that time of year again, Valentine's Day, when lovers fan the flames of their passion, Chocolatiers make a fortune, and gift store owners believe in God.

For all the rest who are either unlucky in love or just smart enough to brush off this holiday as just another excuse for stores worldwide to cash in on sentimentality and shaky relationships that need melted chocolate to hold them together (I know that sounds very bitter, well it is), there are other ways to enjoy this day. For example, reading a book or even better, a short story with a timely theme. And that's where I come in.

So I present to you my new short story, COLD. It's a story about love, death, and the coldness in between. It is about a man who meets a woman and then...well you have to read it for yourself to find out. Let's just say, things get chilly.

But if I can be serious for just a moment, I have to say that I love this story. I wrote it a while back, when the idea for it hit me for no apparent reason and I wrote it down in a style (first-person) that up to that point I hadn't used before. Its theme was also something new to me. It is dark, romantic in a twisted way, and above all, haunting. At least I like to think so.

And since this is Valentine's Day after all, the holiday that originated from the story of Saint Valentine, who after being shunned by his loved one cut out his beating heart and sent it to her (now you know where the idea for those Heart-Shaped candy boxes came from), there is no better time to share with you this very dark tale about love. Happy Valentine's Day.

Click here to read the story .

P.S. And especially for you, this Valentine's Day, there is a special treat, hidden within the lines of the tale, find it, click it and read it!"

Friend you always crack me up with your eternal sarcasim .... so guys, as it stated above, read it and enjoy!

Castles Of Sand .....

2009-02-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

Oh I miss those laughing days,

white sands and blue sea upon I gaze,

wind through my hair,warm sun rays,

a perfect place where a child plays.

My bucket filled with pearly sand,

my small shovel in my small hand,

the dreams in my mind so grand,

I begin building what I planned.

A mighty castle overlooking the sea,

high towers expand what my eyes can see,

high walls from rage of the water protects me,

this is where I would live, my home it'll be.

So mean, the waves on shore,

what I have built became no more,

stubborn, I try again, until my arms are sore,

I guess when I fell tired, they won that war.

Oh I miss those days under the yellow sun,

when building sand castles was just for fun,

when I felt no bitterness when the sea the war won,

now, from building things that goes away I'm done.

Breaking The Vicious Circle -Part1: The Slave To The Grind ....

2009-02-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

On any given day, one would wake up restless, tired, barely eyes opened, resisting the calls to get back to the pillow, fighting the urge to let the body lay for just a more moments, it seeks warmth and eternal rest but that won't happen today. Crawling away or so it seems, searching for a morning drink that will kick that numbness away, one would finally can join the “living”. Get dressed in a hurry, get into the car or hop on the bus or maybe even catch a train, it's time to join the masses to the new day's quest, or everyday quest it seems, to earn the day's worth in cash.

Sitting at the desk, roaming around the office, working the usual tricks. It is so sickening and boring, all the same routine, that idiot of a boss, that bitch of a customer, that worthless everyday nagging. Like androids, or maybe zombies, each task looks the same, done the same, and when done, it's time for another one to take its place. So the clock ticks and ticks away, to that time, that time when the masses return to their hide-aways, take that ride home, mind in vortex of thoughts, as the traffic keeps that journey to the destination hard.

Keys in the lock, opens that door, drops onto the nearest comfortable piece of furniture, maybe with a dish filled with food that lost it taste from being overused. Distract that mind, must escape that tornado of ideas, so turns on that TV, or meets friends, or maybe surfs that web. Hours will pass, hours will go by, before answering that call again, the call of a body that can no more keep up the woken state, and finally passes out on that bed to end another day with a tasteless night, only to begin another colorless morning.

Monotonic isn't it? Boring isn't it? Described your life? Truth is I described the life of almost anyone who lives on this planet, yeah you're not the only one! Haven't you craved a life that is different? Haven't you wanted that perfect dream that gratifies your soul? Haven't you wished you could see and experience more? Haven't you looked up to that life on the edge, where everything is new and exciting? So with standard issued life, you might wonder....what happened? Where did I go wrong? Questions that will twist and turn into your head, leaving a sharp and distinguished pain you're already too familiar with.

Yes, I've been there too, I've – as Skid Row once masterfully put it- been a slave to the grind; yeah, it had to come from somewhere, how can I know about it unless I lived it. I 'm no genius, I 'm no psychic, and certainly I have not been the most insightful. Truth is, we were shaped, we were molded, to play that role, slaves, just slaves.... and the most funny part about it, is that we cannot see it, we cannot figure it out, ladies and gents, we've been the marionettes of one or many skillful puppeteers. We're here to serve, and unless we really see what's going on behind the curtains, we'll stay as servants.

OK enough with the pleasantries, it's time for me to go nietzschian on your ass; want answers to the questions? Want to go beyond? Want to break free? Then by all means, let us start the exploration of such ill-lived charade.

First of all let us determine why you let life drift you away, let it drag your ass down that vicious circle. OK, we're all humans, and since the beginning of time mankind has been on the quest to find ways not to do work .... say it isn't so, I dare you, I double dare you, I have got so many proofs that I can bury you under one millionth of their worth. Not convinced? Think horse back-riding, the wheel invention, steam engines, cars, trains, planes, all of these were means to replace man's feet in traveling; I know that this argument is without a doubt a very disturbing one, but it's true none-the-less, but do not understand me in a wrong way, I 'm not against finding an easier way to do things, but I 'm however concerned about the effect of these easy ways, yes, there's a price to pay for using these easier means, and I 'm not talking financially nor any other physical effect it has, I 'm simply talking about the effect on the human behavior. Not making sense to you yet? OK, let me spell it out for you, always using the easy way to do things will actually makes you use to the idea, I mean that it will be a habit of yours to go about your problems the easy way..... weird, hah? Not really, if you think about it really, you'll find it's true. So what does that have to do with the problem we have at hand? It's simple really, you go about life choosing not to deal with complicated details that stands between you and that dream of yours, you choose the easy way, which is the way out!!!

But again not all humans behaves the same, some really understand the effect of easier solutions, but however, they use them where there's no harm in using them, I mean that these humans will take the road least traveled in order to preserve their abilities as intelligent beings; yes, sometimes “re-inventing the wheel” has it's benefits, superior understanding of life dynamics is the most crucial one of them. However, some of the humans with these qualities are exploiting that specific choice of fellow humans, to render them willingly and blindly into their slaves. If you think long and deep, there're many examples of those, let me give me you a hint about the most famous one, the one who got us all fooled: if you own a personal computer, you most definitely know him. So let us recap in simple English, we're lazy by choice, and that laziness turns us into passive beings and it gives the chance to others with higher insight to exploit us.

So that is as far as your part of the blame goes, is there any other parts to consider? Yes, most definitely yes; have you forgotten that humans live within societies, within packs, within the herd as I like to call it, and here lies the problem, we have to embrace certain axioms that the society we live in imposes in order to be “accepted” … being different or thinking differently is frowned upon, different is unknown to others, not understandable by others, and as much as you and I know, what we do not understand we fear, and hence the struggle between the herd followers and the exceptional humans who use their brains for more than to plan 2 steps ahead. There's also another aspect to that fear of the different, different ways can succeed where conventional methodology fails, hence a certain type of jealousy can arise. A question here that imposes itself, why should you care about that social “acceptance” ? Why should cave in for such a lousy way of control? Why should you settle for an inferior life for the sake of the others? Are you not the one who lives your life? Think hard about that one, keeping your full potential from being achieved is your own fault as much as anyone else.

Rests now a very personal issue that no one likes to admit, how can you tell at what ends does the path you choose leads you? If you're denying it then you're -this is the nicest way I can put it- naive, no one knows really where life will take him/her, you can plan as much as you want, have maybe 5 gizillions plans as backup, but always the winds of life are unpredictable, maybe all the plans go south when you least expect it, and in split of a second all you have been building for is gone. Don't get me wrong again, planning is good, makes you think that you're in control, but truth is, planning is more of a security feeling, makes you feel right about the things you're doing, it is not as they say, work for it and you will get it, but however, if you think it will put your mind at ease, then by all means, plan away. There's another aspect of that specific subject, fear of going wrong about life or about the goals you want to achieve, and for that specific reason, you fear trying something new, because it is a big risk, going in blind into a new realm is a very terrifying, I know, but isn't that point of living, exploring the darkness until you find that silver line, and then there was light. The very definition of experiments is trying new ways, and what is living more than a series of experiences that proves that we might have thought right or thought wrong? On the other hand, if you kept your ways very conventional you would not know if your own ways could have made you bigger successes, and then the regret of not following that path that you once thought about becomes the most gray cloud covering the sun. It is ironic isn't it? Fear of going wrong actually gets you going wrong, aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh...... if one should know what lies ahead.

And so I've been mumbling the words that drives you insane, I crashed the moon into the earth; I've cut through that blindfold that covered your eyes and kept your mind at peace. I can't say I 'm to blame for that discomfort you feel now, it has been sitting, waiting, etching to break free from your sub-conscious; yes it has been there for the longest time now, and you ignored its cries to get out, that crazy thought that is there more in the world to see and that you should not go about life as another “living-dead”, after all, don't you think there's some reason in madness ???!!

Glory Ride.......

2009-01-26T13:45:00.000-08:00

Sounds that stood still, moments froze away,

with that heart, I 'll follow the dream,

but with that mind, had to let go of the may,

it's just feelings that will fade into the stream.

Had to break all, had to be a storm,

all that kept me, had to brutally die.

Long that I waited, away from the warm,

that sky belongs to me, had to fly.

It's not grief that drives my words today,

but that strength that I once lost.

I will not dwell in the dark, will not stray,

my path is clear, bright the most.

By that power I had let go of the pain,

and by that fire I feel, I shall not hide.

All those days of light were not in vain,

but it's time, for my glory ride.

Look Into My Eyes...

2009-01-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

Look into my eyes, seek the truth you're asking for,

but I know that you will never dare,

keeps you that love you're afraid you would bare.

Look into my eyes, I will not lie for you no more.

Do you think I can't hear the longing in your voice?

Do you think I can't smell on your words the loneliness?

I see your world through your eyes, I feel that dark emptiness,

you're getting pleasure through your own pain, by your choice.

Look into my eyes, that mirror you won't look into,

you're fooling only yourself, if you think you're alright,

cover your eyes as much as you want, but you won't see the light,

look into my eyes, they only reflect what is true.

Seek the path of the truth free from all burdens, child,

its your only hope to survive, the way to become alive.

Seek real happiness, not the illusions you strive,

the imitation of a life you chose will only leave you riled.

In My Heavens

2009-01-08T03:16:00.000-08:00

So with that grin I embrace the morning light,

letting all to pass, all to fade away.

As I crave the laughs, they come my way,

and again I feel the strength, folded by the white.

I walk the meadows, amongst green, yellow, and bright blue,

water so smoothly flows, reflecting the flare.

Filling my lungs, so sweet to breath that colors scented air,

I stare, I replete my mind of that image of harmony true.

That ticklish feeling brought by warmth, and peace of mind,

lift me to the skies, I surrender and close my eyes.

Here in my heavens, far away from all lies,

the feeling I have been searching for, happiness I will find.

The New

2009-01-03T16:23:00.000-08:00

Again with the open sky blue,

I dream of the freedom flight.

So with the yellow bright light,

I turn the pages to a life new.

I have been defeated so many times,

but I stand here tall and proud.

I might be one in middle of the crowd,

but keeps me company my rhymes.

I shall ride the waves of thrill and joy.

I shall let the light through me.

I shall the ultimate beauty see.

I shall never be again your toy.

The wounds will mend along the way,

and I do not feel no remorse now.

Down with heaven's tears, I'll never myself allow,

I will be gratified without what you made me pay.

I do not feel that haze anymore,

clear and cured is my mind from all the lies.

Rests now with me that knife, that cut all the ties,

the new, what I have became, have closed that door.

Tale Of The Wise

2009-01-03T16:22:00.000-08:00

The tale of the wise, just keeps going on,

the misery and compassion of one man, will follow through.

Seek not the knowledge of truth, it will leave you alone.

Making sense out of the insensible,is all you'll be forced to do.

Coloring everything in black or white, path of the insane it will be.

I doubt, I question, I wonder, and then I 'm confused.

To those unconventional ways I devoted myself to be free.

I knew, I tried to understand, and now I feel abused.

The warmth of a sunny bright day won't melt the sadness away,

clear skies, in white and blue, won't ease the sorrow.

Delusional you are, if you believe that love might save me someday,

I lost the right to bare that feeling, when I did not return what I had to borrow.

New Year's Eve

2009-01-03T16:20:00.000-08:00

It's almost midnight, and I crave your touch,

laying here, silent, still, listening to my heart beats.

I long for the light, glow of these eyes so much,

but I know, know that this happiness never meets.

I regret the wasted feelings intense.

I wished my path would have crossed yours.

I lie to myself, although it makes no sense.

I ride the waves of oceans, with no hope for shores.

Lifeless, I feel the dark within holds.

Helpless, like a loose tree leaf in winds.

Shameless, as life path the story unfolds.

On new year's eve, all again ends.

The Fire Cracker

2008-12-24T23:16:00.000-08:00

Clouds shape into a maze

Enlighten by the fire’s blaze

Smiles crawl onto the face

Dimes the glow now without a trace

Heavens seem shine on world

Laughs running around, are heard

Like a candle that lights the way

Glad of being, creatures will pray

What it feels like to sleep without tears?

What it feels like to live without fears?

How much will it cost to dream?

How hard it is to be not mean?

Since the universe depend on mankind

Happiness is what they always try to find

In hands, but lost in the mind

Truth runs like a little hind

Knowing the choices, embraced the fate

Singes of being grateful, I’ll never wait

Speeding up to burn in the sky

The fire cracker was I

Note : This is a very old one, maybe eight years of age, but however, I think it's still good.

The Ravings Of The Madman : Part 3

2008-12-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

As storms come and go, the very idea of me leaving my words unspoken is very far fetched. So here I'm again, against all odds betting that someday, somewhere, some people would actually understand those cryptic words of mine, and then would change the world with their mind. And so without further due, I present you with the latest of my craziest thoughts and theories.

It looks like I ain't going to leave Ben Franklin to rest in peace, in his infinite wisdom the words came “After crosses and losses, men grow humbler and wiser”, Ben you're so full of it; as once you were the leader of “the free world” you should have known that it is inevitable that man wages wars to satisfy his greed, his egotistical desires, and sense of superiority.... what else are wars waged for? So what wisdom and humble are you speaking of, when a life is sold at the cheap price of one's arrogance? I can agree to the fact that the grief of the loss is the greater among its peers, but what would you know about it? It's all a game of chess to you, and ponds were lost, doesn't really matter to you as long as you can say “check mate”. All is then numbers, numbers of victories, number of losses, number of nemeses .... just numbers.

So with that into mind, we embark on the quest for finding the truth behind the words that been said. So in what sense does a man grow wiser and humbler after “crosses and losses” ? Mind you the “crosses” was paired with “losses” and not just any other word; ah, we're getting somewhere now, Ben was unaware of he was really saying, which was, if you lost a war/fight/conflict, you would grow wiser and humbler, and this is just from word association analysis. I can sense some confusion still there, so let us flip it the other way so it would be clear, if you win a war/fight/conflict, you would not care about the losses you have taken, your ego will grow, and certainly will celebrate like a crazy person; so we should only feel the regret and think about our mistakes to grow wiser if and only if we lost, does that sound right to you? Does that seem like a good logic that you should follow? .... again I'll leave you to be the judge of that.

“No one is hurt by doing the right thing”, although I don't know who is the genius that came up with that one, but I 'll have to crack a whip on his ass as well. Let us get right down to it,the first conclusion we can deduce right out of these “wise” words is that doing the right thing is easy?! I just wonder how is that possible? Doing the right thing is not as easy as it is stated above, doing good deeds -like helping an old lady to cross the street, feeding a stray hungry dog perhaps ..... etc- maybe is, but doing the right thing, that is a total different story. I can dwell here forever, but however, I can prove my point in just one question, didn't you suffer the ache of doing the right thing someday? Maybe letting a loved one go because whatever circumstances were preventing you from being together? Extended the helping hand to a friend and got screwed in the process? Had to leave your home, family and friends because your career forced it on you? Trusted someone and done right by them, and they betrayed you? ..... shall I go on really? The list is endless. It 's always easier to demolish than to build, and so we can deduce that doing the right thing – in this case, building- is hard, and is not without sacrifices, that sometime lead to pain and hurt.

To clarify more, situations where one is hurt by doing the right thing are situation where one finds himself/ herself torn between executing a self-righteous and sound moral act against following a deep and compelling desire. It is known when such conflicts arise, one wonders about the action that should be done, and becomes truly lost and confused. In such situation, only a strong person will asses the situation fairly and eliminate any emotional input into it, and decides on the action. With that being said, you have probably guessed that the quality of the morality of that person will steer the end result of that situation, and most probably not in favor of desires, it is then after the decided upon action(s) are executed, that the person in question starts dealing with the matter emotionally, and yup, you guessed right, it's time for the pain and healing process to start. At the end, being deterministic about such matters is just plain stupid, but again you already know that.

From the heart of the world, Africa, comes the proverb “A crab walks, so walks his children”. One of those mysterious, multi-meaning, and ambiguous proverbs, you know which ones I 'm talking about. So in order to get this right, we need to explore all the angels we can find on that one, so let us start by the far most obvious, heritage, elders are suppose pass their knowledge to the young so they can deal with life; hhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh ....... so now the elders know better?? Shall we state the obvious, we're all humans, mistakes were made, are being made, and will be made until the end time. Lost me? I guess what I mean here is that no one knows better, specially those that are so called “Grey-haired”-after several thousand of years, and the end result is the world we live in, yes, look around you, that's the wisdom of the elders and their work, can anyone blame me for the mockery?- with their control and their arrogance; you're cursed if you don't follow their teachings, you're damned if you try to disobey, God forbid you should have a new idea, they'll burn you at the stake. Much of a life for the young, and they wonder why creative people are such renegades!!!

Let's dig a little deeper now, another angel for the African proverb is “like father like son”, in other words, the habits, morals, behaviors ....etc are passed on from parent to child. What is your take on this one? Is it really the truth, or it is just another one of those fallacies? I know that some of our attributes must come from the environment we live in, but at the end of the day, one wonders “Am I the same man as my father? Am I more like my mother?”. Truth is some people are really flexible when it comes in terms of adapting personalities, however, this comes from idealizing the person one wants to take after, however, it has been proven through history of man that iconizing a man is just plain stupidity, because as soon as the truth is uncovered -that he or she is just a human-; the let-down is of a great effect on the idealizing person, and sometime so shocking that it provokes feelings of vengeance, that leads to the point of totally negating the previous personality. So do we imitate or innovate? Well, some of us is more the former than the latter, and some are the latter rather than the former. It is actually trying to tip the scale for one side rather than the other is the true delima, and so not all children crabs walks as their elder crabs.

“A gentle hand may lead even an elephant by a hair”, an Iranian proverb that I lasted long thinking about, does it really work? Does a gentle hand leads a nation? Or is it the better understanding, representing and honoring is the way to go? I do not know of any leader that used a gentle hand with his people, and thus I should not know about the result!! What I know is that power corrupts, demolishes the humble attributes and thrives the ego of a human. Do not tell me that integrity exists with those who have power, it simply does not add up, ask yourself this, can you resist the temptation of using all the power available to you to achieve some goal -whatever that may be-? If you answered yes, please try it out first then let me know what was the result.

I do not believe that politicians really represent us, rather than leading us. They will do some good , yes, but do they truly get to all the issues you want to get to? Do they really care about you and your family? Do they really live and suffer from the same circumstances as you ? Democracy is an illusion, autocracy is real, we still depend on the system of the one, the one that leads, the one that decides, the one who has it all, because we all believe in a savior that will free us all, and we should then follow. It is easier to blame someone for the mistakes he/she have done while taking our responsibilities, rather than each one would take a part of the process, yes it is always easier to depend than not to depend. A question for you people out there, why do you think we have a brain? Is not our responsibility to stand up for ourselves and take the lead? Aaaaaaaahhhhh, so I have hit the bull's eye now, are we really that go-able, or are we just lazy? Think about those answers, and conclude which life you're living.

It's always good to seek help, I do not deny this, but should we really take the instructions that has been given to us without questions? Can't we question the motives and hidden agendas of those who lead? And if not then why, is it because they lead? I do not believe in a “One's system”, I roam free within the darkness to find my own way to light, shouldn't you? A gentle hand does not lead an elephant by a hair, and if it does, then it should not be.

Now as I stirred the doubts again, I can leave you with the questions that really matter. You should have been answering those yourself, but as I know, humans suffer from memory-loss, and specially when it's interfering with the easy way of living. After all those questions, can you tell who is really the madman who is raving all over the place?

So.......

2008-12-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

So winds of rage have faded away

So hatred fire has burnt me alive

So lost, feels the ultimate dismay

So sanity dies, and betrayal to thrive

So shattered, world in total disarray

So dead inside, nothing to revive

So nothing I am, worthless as you convey

So nothing but a tool, a step as you contrive

So I sold my world for a stack of hay

So I ended up with a rock bottom dive

So filled with anger, the dragon I'll slay

So I left once again, and none will survive

I Have Failed

2008-11-25T15:24:00.000-08:00

So dark the fate that awaits me

I have seen, so much I was blind

Holds in my heart to never set free

So much for a truth I never wanted to find

And now, I seek no happiness

I seek no power over that heart of yours

I just wanted to escape that emptiness

I want my death, break through hell's doors

Pain and agony, in my heart fill and form

Aches so much, demolishes all what is dear

Broken and shattered,lost within the storm

Being burned alive, must be better than here

Weightless the trouble of the universe against mine

So twisted and lifeless the path,wrecked and derailed

Opposing my existence, world, reasons and misfortune align

Take me away Lord, I have failed

Let me go

2008-11-22T00:45:00.000-08:00

Just want to be alone tonight

Too many wounds have again started the bleeding

Let my thoughts roam into the night

I got used to the madness and the pain it is feeding

Behind the wall so high I took my leave

And dwell into my own despair

Wondering about death, and people who would grieve

Tear drops, oh so hard to breath in the air

longtime since I have felt the silence before the storm

I would not like the wind in my face nor the rose in my hand

Much that I have been longing to be a stone, faceless, and not warm

Perish through out time, just sand grains traveling through out the land

I was one without that hope, why have you brought it back?

I ceased saving the world,why was it my turn to answer your call?

I should not bare the whiteness again, chose to cover myself with black

Please let me go, I ain't strong enough for such a fall

The Warrior Prayer!!!

2008-11-20T02:47:00.000-08:00

Lord of all, hear my call, my sword is by my side.

I seek a life of honor, free from all false pride.

I ask for might, with no remorse nor despair.

I crave knowledge, with the power to understand and bare.

I shall then prevail, I shall then ride with victory as my trail.

Cover me with death if I should ever let you down or fail.

The Ravings Of A Madman : Part 2 "A B-Day Special"

2008-11-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

So again with the mockery deed I begin, a storm of thoughts that somewhat unusual but however real life abiding. The ravings are not going to stop, nor as I; I 'll keep on drilling holes where it should not be drilled; cut the blinding fabric so it exists no more and reveals the true shaky structure on which humans have built their fortress of false security. So again I take you along for the ride into the lands of the illogical truth; illogical for you of course, I have made my peace with insanity long time ago.

So with Ben Franklin we begin “Neglect kills injuries, revenge increases them”, I know Ben has been dead for quite sometime now – couple of centuries in fact- and it is not nice to speak ill of the dead; but since Ben has decided to enlighten us with his pearls of wisdom, I guess he had it coming. So I guess to his limited vision in the 1700's those words were true, but come in twenty first century, that is a very different story. I know that anger can consume, the need for vengeance can overpower sanity, however, with that in mind, you must know that revenge is the most powerful of all motives, and I 'm speaking here about motivation to overcome circumstances that has been preset, or prejudices if you're to call 'em that, if you can control your anger, plan your revenge, comes tomorrow and the world is yours.

I might have offended some people with the very idea of “Revenge is not a bad thing”, so let me flip the coin on both sides before dismissing the idea and consider me one of those nut jobs you see mumbling and roaming through the streets. Indeed, Anger and revenge is a double edged weapon, if used without being precocious, it can cut you as much anyone else, and it would probably would cut people that you don't intend to hurt; I guess that was Ben's vision, so he decided to advise everyone to play it safe and put the weapons down; now that I have explained the opposing idea, let me dwell on mine. It's ironic that one would think that peace would bring peace in the world of today, the time we live in suggests that peaceful and civil reactions shows a sign of weakness;and there will be always someone or some people who are ready to prey on those who prefer to avoid confrontations, who are ready to walk all over the peaceful and the weak without a flinch; it is because today's survival of the vicious rules, that it is imperative that humans should learn to sharpen their nails,and to be ready to do whatever is needed to be done to reach their peace on their own terms.

The retaliation process is somewhat of a confusing concept, and surely a large mine field that should be navigated with care to reach the destination safely. Some may define that process as inflicting harm on others, however, that not the true essence of revenge; we're not going to storm in on the “bad guys” with weapons acting up like loose cannons -I would blame action movies for putting those ideas into your head- and shoot 'em down; it is quite necessary that you would understand that revenge is a process where a victim of hostile/unjust action teach a lesson of humility to the attacker(s). Ok, I know this might be a little bit confusing, so let me explain, what I mean here that revenge does not require violence to be accomplished -although some might think it is-, but it requires that you as a victim trap the attacker into his own game, which is in itself a true irony, or poetic justice if the words would serve the situations -poetic as in it rhymes, same setup captures the original attacker(s)-.

Now that I have redefined the term and rectified common fallacies, comes the more interesting part of the issue, I have already explained why not, so now with the why phase. Let us get one thing straight, a human with self-satisfaction is a human who is capable of maintaining a fair balance within his/hers character and behavior; more specifically, the capability of harshness and forgiveness. Ok, again I make no sense ?! Well, I think that when a human is capable of anything-most of us believe that it is difficult to do that, however, I know for a fact that it exists within all of us-, it is only a question of morality and self-righteousness that dictates the proper course of action(s). Moreover, when you feel that injustice had been served to you, knowing that you can and will retaliate/get even, will ease your mind and make you relax, it is then that revenge is taken in the most cautious of ways and would bring peace to your soul.

So it looks like I 'm gonna make it about Mr. Franklin today, “A man in a passion, rides a mad horse”, looks like Ben had problem controlling a good balance between mind and heart, some would wonder what urges a guy like that to lay his “infinite” “wisdom” on us -Albert Einstein have a quote about “infinite” things, I would strongly recommend you dig it out- while his own actions are not filtered through his brain! A man in passion can act foolishly, yes I know that the major part of the human race act like morons when they are in love, but however, love , that tangling feeling in your stomach, that glowing that you see around your other half, that blackness which blinds you from the world and leaves only your loved one to see, is destined to fade out someday, perish like dust in the winds of life, unless you 're sane enough to use your brain and your heart to asses the romance.

Some people might hate me for the words I have stated above, but I know better than to live in “denial”, this is not a fairytale with a knight in a shining armor and a fair princess that is trapped in a high tower, the most funny thing about those fairytales, is that “the happily ever after” always pop ups and ends the story without showing that through; I think people when the reach the “happily ever after” part of the story, they get shocked of the story goes on and on and on .... needless to say not so much for the “happily ever after”. This is most dangerous of cons that humans get influenced by, and when life shows its true colors, it is a very rare reaction that one would understand that those were just entertainment for the young, and grow over it. I 'm not saying that love does not exist, but I 'm saying beware of the smoke and the mirror effects it brings at the beginning, those might be mistaken for the flame love, and then after sometime you wonder about those flying sparks,crave 'em, begin searching for them again possibly with another partner.

Actually, love is much much simpler than some adrenaline driven actions. In itself love between two humans can be defined as the ultimate sense of security, understanding and kindness. Let me dwell a little more on the previous statement, a long lasting love comes from the ability to trust one another with the most intimate of secrets, to know that no matter what illogical feelings/incorrect actions/irregular behaviors you have they 'll be accepted and understood by your loved one,to know that your other half will always be there to hold you when life storms in your face, that is security, understanding, and kindness that even the most of riches cannot buy you. I know that the “crazy” actions that you'll do to let your love interest how you feel are considered to be “cute”, and they do stir some feelings within him/her, but those feelings will be rarely love, compassion maybe, attention craving perhaps, but not love; that why a man in passion, SHOULD NOT ride a mad horse.

After much spilling of the most sacred and deep secrets, I shall shut my pie hole and leave you to the twisters of thoughts that roams through your mind. I shall not confirm nor deny your doubts, I shall however ask of you to reason with the storms, to wise up and see beyond the flashy exterior of life; After all, I'm still the madman who is raving all over the place.

Lights

2008-10-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

Blinding light and thoughts that maim

A hell to be heavens wrongly claim

Break wills in face of the constant blame

It just never ends, that life full of shame

had no reasons to give in nor to fight

had no trouble to abandon the might

had no desire to overcome the night

it just circles around, that smell of fright

should not listen to the roaring sounds

should not let my flesh get bitten by the hell hounds

should not strive to dominate, let darkness surrounds

will not end, have to stand my grounds

It's now when the judgment ends

It's now when I'd rectify the path that bends

It's now when day with night blends

had to let it drive, the anger that defends

The K

The Ravings Of A Madman : Part 1

2008-10-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

It's almost believed that a man can be measured by the yields of his success, his conquests and his triumphs, however, the words I bare within my brains totally negate these allegations. I found within my journey through out life that some pearls of “wisdom” are so falsely claimed to be true... within the narrow understanding of mankind of all things that goes around, all ideals seems to be true, however the world dynamics have changed since sometime now... and believe me that narrow concept of life is no longer working.

Maybe I'm just a madman who is raving all over the place, however, discussing logic is somewhat illogical, it is all about comprehension of planes of thinking.... I might have lost you in the last few words however, it might get a little clearer within the upcoming few lines just bare with me. Within every inch of material that exists around you there is a level of detail to the naked eye, however, look closer, much closer, and another level of details just pop ups, look closer and you will find much more details, and hence forth, most of us just sees the world with just naked eyes, and understand logic just on the beginning of it's shallow shells.

It has been more than a quarter of a century since I existed within these walls, roaming for answers and conclusions, so neck deep that I forgot all about the questions that really matter, I was lost truly and deeply drowned into the madness that keeps us all in line. “When life hands you lemon, you make lemonade”.... what a bunch of crap, imagine your life if you just drank lemonade!!! So what is the real deal here? Exploiting situations or just plain resource usage, a kind of use-what-you-get thing ... true wisdom lies within the deep crusts of life, within it's most inner core, and again the narrow kind of thinking is just not helping, suppose that I want to sell the lemon and get something else !!!!

“Know your limitations”, the only thing that comes through my mind when I hear those words, is a sudden and compelling urge to punch the mouth where these words came out, and then , just then maybe whoever is using those words will stop using them in fear of getting his jaws broken and will know their limitations!!! Sky high should be your thoughts domain and never let any limited person tell otherwise. Most of us understand limitations as the most upper limits that his/hers physical, psychological, emotional, and intelligence capabilities, again I 'll be the party pooper and try to convince you otherwise, from what I see , each and every human capability or ability can be enhanced, fine tuned, upgraded if the word may serve my purpose here. It is given that certain capabilities will be easier to enhance than others for each individual, some may even come in natural as a result of an certain environment or maybe God given gifts - oh yes, I used the big words here and I ain't afraid- none-the-less, others can be achieved and developed to the extent of mastering by training. The only difference between someone who can and someone who can not is merely a question of drive to a goal, let me clarify a little more, someone who can is simply someone who has enough reasons and will power to reach what he/she wants to reach. To sum up those lengthly words, “limitations” is the barriers that we put for ourselves and we accept and surrender to them, and again do not let anyone stop you from becoming what you want, that also includes yourself.

“Life is unfair”, big question mark should be placed here, what the heck? What does fairness have to do with anything? Now let's explore a little bit on the very idea of the “fair”. Typically, humans thinks that they all ought to have the same amount of chances, abilities, and rights; so ideally that is the “fairness” of life is all about. So does fairness really exists? Rhetorical question of course, NO people, it does NOT exist, the idea of fairness is just ridiculous if not hilarious. Let me explain why I think that is, equality suggests that forces pulling against and with are the same, and simple physics tells us that if that happens, we would have a system equilibrium, in other words, a system that is not moving, does not twist and turn; and that just is not life, it will be boring as hell if life was always in a status quo. Life is not fair, yes, and guess what, it will always be because inequality is the status of things around, and that will never change, so grow a pair and deal with it, sucker!! So Logically there is nothing to support the claim that life will ever be fair, so why oh why does people hope it gets someday? Truth is that humans in their infinite wisdom invented something called “denial”, denial helps get through the days, get out the bed in the morning, live and produce and be that same old mold that humans has been since the beginning of time, we lie to ourselves because we do not want to face the truth, we know that things won't get better, and yet we still hope for the better tomorrow!! Weird hah? So if we should not rely on false hopes and beliefs, what should we do? One conclusion that I have drawn over the years of me breathing, is just make and take the best of it; simple enough, enjoy the time, push the envelope, explore the edge of things, these are thrills that will bring joy into your life, not false hope.

At the end, I sit on my comfy chair at the top of the world and judge, how ironic??!! You should have realized by now that no one should have that kind of power over you, but as a lost soul you are, you seek approval, you seek guidance, you seek assurance that what you are doing is right; do not do that anymore if you understood, I'm no wise man, I 'm no judge, and I'm no assurance, I'm however a madman who is raving all over the place.

Letting you go

2008-07-24T16:58:00.000-07:00

Still trying to find my words that rhyme, in the realm of hate

Still want to see more, I’m just me on the long road of fate

As I hear that voice inside that wants to scream, and my heart decides to wait

In silence, hurts as I drink the gloom of my own tears, after a meal of pain I ate

Still my hand fails to draw my world of black, for eyes to see

Feelings that roar inside my head, to the oceans of insanity drawn me

Seeds of light and hope I grew, to make you happy and set you free

But winds of your rage blew back at my face, and I took the first sting of the bee

Sight of darkness, with the blood that turns to steam

Sand storms that surrounds the ruins of what once was a beautiful dream

Meaning less to be nice, only lives in peace, the mean

Leave the night to grow, just be sure that I capture all the light beams

Matures the pictures of heaven, as the swords of truth the white maim

As I remember all those times, can’t leave you to someone else do the same

Can’t leave without my vengeance, I had to your wildness tame

Right to spurn you, right to hurt and put you through the agony of shame

Try to see through my eyes what destiny hides for you, I know you’re blind

You will run into the walls of your darkness, as I know the truth is easy to find

Letting you go will be effortless if I could my fury grind

But it’s your fate that you and your own hell tightly bind

P.S: this poem might be more than six years old, however, it still meaningful to me, and this is the first time it get published ...
The K

Apocalypse!!!?????

2007-09-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

Picture Above is not mine

So the end of the world as we know it??!! Nah, not really. You might wonder about the title then, just give me a sec here to organize my thoughts and pour'em out, well , the FUCKERS @ M$ did it again , After Apple's defeat with the aid of Steve "No-Clue" Jobs, M$ IS GOING TO TAKE OVER SUN Microsystems. Of course it's not something official that SUN is ready to announce but read this Fucking Article, the wheel is already in motion. Understood anything? Ok, let me put to you in simple English, SUN will be offering Windows Server 2003 OS on their line of servers.... According to Sun's EVP John Fowler Solaris (SUN OS) will run in virtual PC that M$ is Still trying to get working right, but "Are serious about the effort". Ok, you still don't understand why is it a big deal that SUN servers run Software from M$? Maybe you're one of these dumb asses that think that M$ is good because you're using Windows... ok, I can understand that you're ignorant, you might though have an interest in cars, so let me put in cars and engine terms, M$ Software on SUN Hardware is like installing a GEO engine into a Mercedes-Benz or into a Mclaren. Having a SUN machine without the SUN software is just a major waste of money, why do you ask? Well, performance is the first and most obvious reason, systems from SUN are finely tuned to run Solaris, second reason would be Security, do you think you can find a more secure system than Solaris? (Just so you don’t get me wrong, I'm not a Solaris fan, but what is right is right) Think that M$ will provide you with a higher security? Ok, the chair you're sitting on has more brains than you do. However, remember how M$ ended up controlling a good piece of Apple, that what is happening with Sun and Managers such as this John Fowler is the cause of it. FUCK STUPID MANAGERS, STUPID CEOs, STUPID EVPs .....

FUCK EVERYTHING, I WANT TO QUIT

The K

old : Till the end of time

2007-07-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

Smiles, as tickles the twilight

As the blue crawls, beyond the gray smoke

Feeling good, as tenderly touched by the suns bright

Healing again the thing that broke

Shine reminded me again of your eyes

Magical stars glows in noon, ecstasy will provoke

Waves of thrill to the seventh sky rise

Into a green full of icy roses, be my walk

Glides drops of water-falls into the air, turns to pearls

Found my way to heaven, when I touched your hand

In oceans of joy, drawn into the swirls

Sweetness that never ends, on paradise land

Rainbows I see, moved me with light that was dancing

Along the river of hope, boats carrying each a wish candle

Bird’s songs, made me feel like romancing

Happiness you bring me,is more than a heart can handle.

That comfort silky feeling with delight you give me

The world I see is you, feels like the skies are mine

From you I never want to break free

Stays with me that love till the end of time

PS : this is a very old one, thought it might enlighten you, considering my state back then, when I believed that it will last forever, now I know better. Enjoy it while it lasts, 'cause it never lasts for a long time!!

Wishing you a better day than 2day

The K

old : Forgot

2007-07-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

Feelings that lived here, can't knock no door

Words danced on this land, can't walk no more

Through time and dreams that reach no shore

Just left the never ending pain to the bore

Bearing the hurt was too much to take

Abstract knowledge and circumstances from all fake

Only what I see and know will now awake

Anger that I carry now, makes the earth quake

Man is a dream; fear must be an endless fuel

Slap life hard; with sharp swords must be the duel

Squeeze soul out of the innocence, must be cruel

Truth and facts of success, that bounds to no rule

Days of the white left with no return

The wounded heart, fires of hate will burn

Angry as deep cuts in flesh made him learn

Use evil to take what by right he had earn

Forgot all what it meant to me

Forgot all what it could make me be

Forgot all what it could let me see

Forgot all feelings, that would never had set me free

old : OpenOffice ....Sun will Prevail

2007-07-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Hi, It has been a while since I wrote my last post (last month), I'm sorry for that, but I had a lot on my hands. Today I have decided to write because I was impressed, the folks @ SUN Micro Systems did it again, this time with a complete replacement for the M$ (bullshit) office, they call it OpenOffice ( you can find more details and Download @ http://www.OpenOffice.org). I have been hearing about Open Office for quiet sometime now, but I didn't have the chance to try it out. A week ago, I have rebuilt my mom's PC (backup,format,windows installation... the full works), but I forgot to install Office on her computer (I'm Lazy,so sue me!), a couple of days ago, she complained that she can't open her documents, I took a good long look on the office that she has (office2k that was provided for the college staff members and student by the gov) which was a shitty one, and I have decided to download open office and try it out, not only I installed on her machine, I have installed on mine, and remove the God Damn M$ Shit. Open Office has a lot of qualifications to be the best office there is, from my point of view obviously, It's lighter than M$ Office, has the same features, Arabic supported, reads and write M$ Office files, and most importantly IT IS FREEEEEE. I would like to thank SUN and the Open source community for such a powerful product, and I hope it costs little Billy Gates some money. Try the OpenOffice today I promise you won't be disappointed but you'll excited to have such a product on your PC. Until next time, I wish you a better day than 2day.

The K

old : Quarter Of A Century In The Service

2007-07-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

Yup, it has been a while since I have written here, no specific reason for that except maybe no time for blogging. Hang on a sec while I put some music on... oh yeah, Paul Okenfold's "Send me an angel". Ok, now for the reasons or questions I'm going to post ... hhhmm let me think, ah a question that has been asked by multiple friends of mine over the last week ... How does it feel being 25? I remember I answered, " Like a lot of wasted time”, well, yeah, most ppl will think otherwise like my boss, " damn it, that's a good age”, I missed what's good about it, I'm still me as 24 or 23 but with some more experience. Well, when you talk to a perfectionist such as myself... it could frustrate you, see, our personalities prevent us from enjoying our successes but for just few moments, then we're back at the our life's quest, searching for other territories we have not conquered yet! Yeah, we're like that almost all the time. As for myself, I like to have fun every once and a while, and when I have fun I HAVE FUN... but other than that ... I'm following the immortality quest, oh yeah, that's another term you need to know about perfectionist, the immortality quest, of course no1 can live forever, but it's metaphor for making our mark in human history ... to be remembered along the years by ppl who did not meet us ... but somehow we have impacted their lives, that's immortality to us. So being 25 feels like a lot of wasted time because I didn't make all my dreams come true, maybe even if I was working 24/7 it wouldn't be enough to achieve that but perfectionist are harsh, they don't care much for excuses ... some ppl find them crazy, well yes, we're practically nuts, always reaching up to grab the impossible, always nagging about unfinished work...so yeah, I guess it's pretty safe to say that we're indeed crazy.

You might ask me "What's up with you? Why do you do this? What is the gain from all this craziness? " Well, let me answer for myself, because I dunno why others do it but for me, a change I make in any1's life for any given day to me is a day well spent, if I can make some1's day be a little better ... I have reached my gain, "What kinda of gain is that? You haven't make something for yourself out of it" you might ask, but you're wrong ... dead wrong, because I know for a fact that a good deed never worth none, see, I believe that we're all created for a purpose, each one of us will have an effect on others lives, so these lives in their turn serve another purpose for another set of lives, not much away that you own life will be receiving the result of that circle, it's like a piece of a big puzzle, each piece fit into another to complete a picture. Ok, so you might ask this "How about ppl whom you make their life easier, then they make your life harder?” ok ...now you're being plain negative person, bad deeds are also a part of the circle, a part of the image, how can distinguish the white unless there's a black? There'll be ppl hurting you and disturbing your good input into the world, making you angry and frustrated, but if you give in, the circle will be broken, yes, bad is part of good in some sense, but how much this part expands over the overall picture, is up to us. Being that negative, will darken the picture bit by bit, so excuse me if I'm trying to stop it! Nice ppl still exist, and that's what the struggle is all about. I might think that being 25 is a lot of wasted time but ... I'm glad and proud to be of use to some ppl over that time.

Until next time, wishing you a better day than today!

The K, Quarter of a century in the service

old : Game Protections

2007-07-10T04:00:00.001-07:00

Ok .... just let me put some music and relax so I can pour out the thoughts in my head in a correct way...ok that’s better, the only Iron Maiden album I would listen to ... the X-factor, gets the rebel out of me.... OOKKK, to the subject of the day: Game protections! I know, I know, boring computer stuff... but it irritates me and I need to get it out. Ok, let me get down to it, computer games are the most likely softwares to be pirated, why you say? It's because everyone plays games and they feel they should not pay for it specially the younger consumers with their limited financial resources and the crave to own it all. So game protection should be strong, to last some time before it gets cracked to force customers to pay , and yes some time ... because any protection that have been made have been broken ... it is the single truth that Crackers ( software protection reverse engineers) operate on "It's man made, then it's breakable", a good example of such software protection is the starforce protection , holding the record of more than a year to get broken, and it is not that anyone haven’t tried ... the best have tried to break it but Team Reloaded got to it, Starfoce company has dared crackers and rumor spreaders (the rumor that starforce cause hardware damage … Starforce offered a reward of 100 000 $ to whom proves it, and not a single attempt to claim the reward had been requested) around the world to prove that their work is not done correctly, although I'm not really pro software protections , but I find myself admitting that these guys have done the greatest job in the history of software protection system, on "Splinter Cell : Chaos theory" from ubisoft. Yeah, maybe team Reloaded has broke it down ... but take into consideration ... Reloaded is the most powerful cracking team now-a-days and they have a long experience with this protection ... they even made a SDK for cracking the previous version of it, so it's not a question of being lazy or ignorant about the product ... it's the nearest to perfection done job. On the other hand, you have a bad example for protection system is the secuRom, I have been watching games released with this protection system that had been broken and released to the underground on the same date that the actual release date of the game, putting maybe an hour maybe two hours of challenge for a intermediate cracker, which of course is not enough. Yet with such a weak protection ... securom seems to overtaken a lot of contracts on games!!! Yeah, even the new "splinter cell: Double agent" is protected by securom.... very weird.... and I can not help it but to wonder why? Is there some back-end deals going on, is it too cheap to resist? I’m going nuts trying to figure out why did this happen! But my last words would be, Ubisoft you're stupid ... you had the gold in your hand but you throw it away! Until next time... I wish you a better day than today!!

The K

Welcome to my new blog

2007-07-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new blog, I have left the old one because simply IT SUCKS, I can't imagine that M$ is preventing us from creating a good Looking blog. So much for M$, I have not expected much from them. OK, so I'll be moving some of my old posts from the old space to this blog, however the picture will be transferred to my facebook account, and yes you won't be able to see them if you're not on my friends list (tight security, what can I say !!) ... I hope I'll do much better on blogger.

Wishing a better day than today

The K