Portrait.......

The heart turns black, as the winds in rage began to roar,
the skies darkens and thickens, calls upon his name no more,
long gazes in his soulless eyes, upon hopes that will never soar,
rain cages him in, soaked roads reflect a face he began to abhor,
upon that rocking chair he stays, white flags raised to end the war,
for the universe had been generous with signs he could not ignore.

The Thoughts Of The Insane : On Love And Fallacies ........

She quoted: “True love never dies, even if you have found a new love, the sweet memory of the past will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life.”.

For me to really clarify what's wrong about this statement – I 'm not even going to call it a quote, by definition, a quote is a fact which is stated in words that lasts forever and never loses its meaning throughout time – I have to dissect it into smaller pieces and prove from there the fallacies that each piece contains.

So at the very beginning, “True love never dies”, to start, what is “true love”, I do not think such a thing even exists, have anyone ever heard about “untrue love” or “false love”, there's only “love”. I know that we define multiple levels of emotional attachments as “love”, but it really isn't; moreover, by that definition, pure physical attractions, emotional attention cravings, and even relationship familiarity can be defined as “love”, while clearly it's not. I know that on that specific subject a lot of confusion exists, and hence terms as “true love” are created and accredited as an existing fact; for one to really see through the blurriness of such confusions, one must to try to define “love” to the most deep of aspects.

Now, to the “never dies” part, this is purely emotional wishful thinking rather than rational, I do not know of any evidence that supports that assumption, although, in respect of all ideals, we hope it's true. However, I know of a fact that defies that assumption, which is “Anything that has a beginning, has an end”, with the subject at hand, when “love” begins, it destined to an end, even if it is after a long while, it's not an endless cycle; however grim that sounds, it's true. It always requires two to tango, and as such in love, two have to be involved at all times, once one side has severed the emotional connection for any reason, love cease to exist between the two of them, reminiscing or “one-sided love” - also another false term accredited as a fact, the true word to describe it is admiration - is no love.

“even if you have found a new love”, personally, I like to think that there's nothing called “new love”, since I personally like to believe that “love” only happens once in a lifetime, but I have no evidence supporting that wishful assumption; so I can agree with that part of the statement on rational basis. Moreover, I would not count an “previous love” as “love”, I believe that once one encounters that mystical event, everything is negotiable, compromises will be reached on all levels to reach the status of “we” instead of “me”; if a failure in compromises occurred, then I do not believe that love has occurred in the first place, there's a “no cost is too high” principal involved here; I know, very naïve belief on on my part, but this is how I choose to see and understand the aspects on that part of the matter.

“the sweet memory of the past will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life.” now this part I do not just disagree with, but also hate; it shows real everlasting weakness, the words used even indicate that clearly – as far as I know, the author of that statement is someone who didn't even have the guts to use his full name, and refers to himself as only Jeffery!! –; reminiscing about “lost love” - yet, another false term- is originated from the feelings of being unloved -emotional needs with no dissipation-, reviving the thought of being loved sort-of-speak, does that seem right? Letting residual emotions -or even the illusion of residual emotions- and attention cravings cloud one's sky? How can one get on with one's life this way? I don't simply wonder about the answers to those questions, truth is that after sometime one learns to deal with those, and by time their significance just diminish. Opening Pandora's box again is just a way of self tormenting and will lead to no good, as an example, tricking oneself into thinking that a current emotional connection is more than it really is, a typical “re-bound” situation, ending in not just hurting oneself, and also others, greatly.

No one enjoys being alone, I know that much, but to allow it to fog up one's vision and side-track one's thoughts is the most dangerous action one can take. Facing up to the fact that currently no one is in dire need of your existence for such a purpose is too much to take, but sometimes things are how they are, should one cave in, or should one simply create other purposes for one's existence?

Chasing Thoughts Of You..........

Sleepless I lay until the dark would hide in fear of light,

dreaming as I stare at the daring rays filling the room.

Captive of thoughts that seem to keep your face in my sight,

I know those are illusions, but they make happiness bloom.

Am I going through it again? Or is it merely attempts to revive my heart?

Long that I had faith in my own reason, but now I doubt what I feel,

answers that would reveal those secrets, the universe will never impart,

maybe that is my fate, to remain torn within the mays and the real.

for a dream , I do not wish to walk the roads of hurt,

but the path leads me back here, what am I then to do?

again as the sun sets, I find myself to that state revert,

and I would outlast the night, chasing thoughts of you.

Breaking The Vicious Circle-Part2 : The Long Road Ahead......

So it has been a while since I have admitted that life had the upper hand on me … it has been long since I have let the ease of living stall my everyday struggle, it has been surely sometime since I had caved in for the truth, whatever that might be. But fear not lost one, I'm surely one with weakness, one with vulnerabilities, one with sins that shades the black into gray. I 'm not all that powerful nor all that righteous, but however, I try, I try to break through like any of you, and I'll carry on if that what it takes.

It 's a long road ahead, the one that tires that troubled mind, the one that aches the existence of this very soul, but however, that first step is the longest stride... right? Once your feet get into the moving, it never stops, and it should never stop, so to vanquish that pain, to kill that numbness, you have to push and push through, it is no bed of roses, and no easy ride, but however, it is the road you have to take to get out of that vicious circle, the one that has been eating you alive.

So patience fellow human, the words will follow through, the light shall be at the end of that tunnel, you just have to believe that there's one. But beware, not all life is about that continuous struggle, it is about living. Let me emphasis a little more on that idea, living, some define as passing time, but however, I think it is the ratio of one's experiences against successes, of course there are going to be failures, but however, failures are there to learn from them, as much as success. So leave those surrendering ideas, we have to be strong now.

To state the truth here, thinking hard against hardly thinking is a tormenting way of existence. Reason and common sense will sometimes fail you, it is then that you reach out for any helping hand extended to you, not that those are laying around and found easily, but none-the-less, you will look for them desperately. That blind faith that we embrace, the one that states that everything is going to be alright, have to be eradicated, there might be a self-solution for every situation, but not the best one. Increasingly that I observed lives gone in the eye of twister for that belief, and I have to say including my own. Only recently that I have realized what I should to do, to break that circle.

The way your thoughts dilute you, is nothing more than the way your mind trying to force out the idea that something is wrong with the rules you abide to, the axioms that you have longed believed in blindly and now start to question their validity. I know, sure things in life are what have many people tried before you, and appeared to work for them, I 'm not saying that what seems to you a success, is a failure, but it might be from a certain point of view; nothing is evaluated and measured through a single angle. I guess what I 'm trying to say to you is, there's no single truth about anything, the way issues are perceived can render deduced solutions right or wrong. So with that into mind, the simple answer here is derive your own rules, make sense of them, and most importantly, that these set of rules will make you happy.

On that path, weighting things at certain perspective can convince you to believe in them, but however, it will make you uncomfortable; emotions are such mysterious things, but search deep within, you'll find the reasons that had provoked those emotions, the facts that compose that person which you are, the facts that you try to deny about yourself, listen to those, because whenever you don't, that distinguished pain is going to be strobing right back into the back of your mind.

Yes, facing your own truth is only way out of that vicious circle, because only then you'd realize what you truly want out of this life. Terrifying, I know it is, but again how can you know the ingredients which will render your life all shining and glorious unless you define yourself clearly, at least to yourself; it's unnecessary that others know, if you want that life on the edge, you have to stand out, not to be compliant with people surrounding you.

Learn .....

Sun down, but it ain't the end of the storm,

still bright within that soul, I 'm still warm.

Wind blows in my face, but I still stand,

it fills my eyes, but I would still fight the sand.


Since I broke, there's no more despair,

I won't lead that life, searching for the fair,

the man learns, the man grows more wise,

the man sees his life, man grows custom of lies.


No, it ain't the stories of sadness, but those of truth,

innocence have blinded, and those dreams of youth.

No, ain't going to fight for it no more,

ain't worth it those dreams, those that lead to no shore.


I have seen now, the cruel and its ways,

I have realized now, the reasons of the strays,

as pours down, tears of the heaven in rain,

I learn, to use resilience instead of pain.

The Spirit...

Long days had passed, and so I silently stood,
just mesmerizing, the way that I could,
what I cared about, what I misunderstood,
trying to catch dreams, the crave for all good.
I left it all, to the time for the taken,
I forgot it all, dreams before the awaken,
I knew it all, pains of hopes forsaken,
I believed it all, could not be more mistaken.
Although the words were spoken, the tongue still conceal,
truth of one's heart, true fears it will not reveal,
is it not time, to mend the wounds and heal?
I just wonder, why for my mind happiness is surreal?
Out of breath I'm, but have to summon the force,
to get up once again, cannot bare more remorse,
will let go of pain and plans that ran out of course,
had to embrace it, the spirit of the wild horse.

Why Should I Care ? .....

Reasons as seasons will always change,

and as fallen apart, time will life rearrange,

and if life isn't about living, why should I let it scare?

Honestly speaking, why should I even care?

hating me, and all I'm supposed to be,

had to give it all up, before the insanity,

longed to be free,and those chains are confining me,

had to break all, the sky is only what I want to see.

Those words I use, those words I magically play,

those stories foretold, echoing in the head at the end of the day.

I just don't need this anymore, what seems to be the right way,

I've left it all behind, ruins in flames and winds of gray.

When all come down tumbling, when all is too much to bare,

I used to all face, to all stand up and accept the dare,

about a lasting pain I used to speak, now I just breathe the air,

I guess all boils down to one question, why should I care?  

I Would Tell ......

I would tell my truth, but what if illusions are only what I see?

I would tell my sins, but what if white is all what I can be?

I would tell and tell again, but what could it change about me?

I would tell, but I know those lengthly words can't set me free.

I know, yes I know, those roads of fate branching out like an old tree,

I dream, yes I dream, those days with the sun by the side of the sea,

I care, yes I care, those loads I lift alone and brought me on the knee,

I love, yes I love, those wise ways I leave behind on that chasing spree.

Those grains, in the hour glass, slipping away soundless,

those dreams, in the blue sky, wondering around aimless,

these steps, upon a darkened path, tripping over shameless,

that voice, in a void space, shouting aloud tireless.

And again, I would tell, in hopes that might change the days,

thinking about those cries, all those arrogant self-righteous ways,

I try to knock off those walls, take a risk on a million mays,

but again, who knows, I might have lost it, one of those strays.   

Walk Away.......

Clouding my thoughts, the remains of a moonless night,
keeping my words from slipping away free,
maiming away those feelings, to serve them right,
to long, to miss, to crave, a known to me fee.

I should known better the first time around,
but spells casted silenced the voices most wise.
I sobered up on the deafening brutal truth sound,
shattered the dark, and broke down all the lies.

You think are so subtle, those signals of yours,
you try to force your way back into my world,
no matter how hard you push, sealed shut are those doors,
I have seen, I have understood, that morality curled.

Walk away, I want to see your face no more.
Walk away, I will not play that game of seek and hide.
Walk away, I will not grant you what you're begging for.
Walk away, for you no place remains by my side.

No Words.....

No words can tell that disgusting tale,

no words can reveal your many ways to fail,

no words can cover the stench of your stale,

no words can describe how cheap was that sale,

no words can my great despise really unveil.

I'm Here

Against the winds I stood tall,

I grew much stronger after all,

it did not break me, it did not maul,

still the angels guard my soul,

I'm here, and I'll never crawl.

Hate........

Hate my mortal weakness,

hate my thoughts of you,

hate my statements soundless,

hate what you force me into.

Hate that pride pointless,

hate all what I knew,

hate my words harmless,

hate all what I only can view.

Hate my mind restless,

hate that truth you skew,

hate that torture endless,

hate that none I can do.

Hate that life aimless,

hate that there's no clue,

hate those questions answerless,

hate myself, and I hate you.

A New Valentine's Day .... A New Love Story ...

So I began the day like any other day, however, it didn't go as usual .... thanks to my good friend and the "better copy of me" Ahmed Khalifa... I checked his blog, and to my suprise he had published another short story that I could not put down until I devoured the very last word .... it's truly amazing what that guy can do with words.... see for yourself .... the following lines are from today's blog post:

"Cold love and Candy boxes

Hi there. It's that time of year again, Valentine's Day, when lovers fan the flames of their passion, Chocolatiers make a fortune, and gift store owners believe in God.

For all the rest who are either unlucky in love or just smart enough to brush off this holiday as just another excuse for stores worldwide to cash in on sentimentality and shaky relationships that need melted chocolate to hold them together (I know that sounds very bitter, well it is), there are other ways to enjoy this day. For example, reading a book or even better, a short story with a timely theme. And that's where I come in.

So I present to you my new short story, COLD. It's a story about love, death, and the coldness in between. It is about a man who meets a woman and then...well you have to read it for yourself to find out. Let's just say, things get chilly.

But if I can be serious for just a moment, I have to say that I love this story. I wrote it a while back, when the idea for it hit me for no apparent reason and I wrote it down in a style (first-person) that up to that point I hadn't used before. Its theme was also something new to me. It is dark, romantic in a twisted way, and above all, haunting. At least I like to think so.

And since this is Valentine's Day after all, the holiday that originated from the story of Saint Valentine, who after being shunned by his loved one cut out his beating heart and sent it to her (now you know where the idea for those Heart-Shaped candy boxes came from), there is no better time to share with you this very dark tale about love. Happy Valentine's Day.

Click here to read the story.

P.S. And especially for you, this Valentine's Day, there is a special treat, hidden within the lines of the tale, find it, click it and read it!"   

Friend you always crack me up with your eternal sarcasim .... so guys, as it stated above, read it and enjoy!

Castles Of Sand .....

Oh I miss those laughing days,

white sands and blue sea upon I gaze,

wind through my hair,warm sun rays,

a perfect place where a child plays.



My bucket filled with pearly sand,

my small shovel in my small hand,

the dreams in my mind so grand,

I begin building what I planned.



A mighty castle overlooking the sea,

high towers expand what my eyes can see,

high walls from rage of the water protects me,

this is where I would live, my home it'll be.



So mean, the waves on shore,

what I have built became no more,

stubborn, I try again, until my arms are sore,

I guess when I fell tired, they won that war.



Oh I miss those days under the yellow sun,

when building sand castles was just for fun,

when I felt no bitterness when the sea the war won,

now, from building things that goes away I'm done.

Breaking The Vicious Circle -Part1: The Slave To The Grind ....

On any given day, one would wake up restless, tired, barely eyes opened, resisting the calls to get back to the pillow, fighting the urge to let the body lay for just a more moments, it seeks warmth and eternal rest but that won't happen today. Crawling away or so it seems, searching for a morning drink that will kick that numbness away, one would finally can join the “living”. Get dressed in a hurry, get into the car or hop on the bus or maybe even catch a train, it's time to join the masses to the new day's quest, or everyday quest it seems, to earn the day's worth in cash.

Sitting at the desk, roaming around the office, working the usual tricks. It is so sickening and boring, all the same routine, that idiot of a boss, that bitch of a customer, that worthless everyday nagging. Like androids, or maybe zombies, each task looks the same, done the same, and when done, it's time for another one to take its place. So the clock ticks and ticks away, to that time, that time when the masses return to their hide-aways, take that ride home, mind in vortex of thoughts, as the traffic keeps that journey to the destination hard.

Keys in the lock, opens that door, drops onto the nearest comfortable piece of furniture, maybe with a dish filled with food that lost it taste from being overused. Distract that mind, must escape that tornado of ideas, so turns on that TV, or meets friends, or maybe surfs that web. Hours will pass, hours will go by, before answering that call again, the call of a body that can no more keep up the woken state, and finally passes out on that bed to end another day with a tasteless night, only to begin another colorless morning.

Monotonic isn't it? Boring isn't it? Described your life? Truth is I described the life of almost anyone who lives on this planet, yeah you're not the only one! Haven't you craved a life that is different? Haven't you wanted that perfect dream that gratifies your soul? Haven't you wished you could see and experience more? Haven't you looked up to that life on the edge, where everything is new and exciting? So with standard issued life, you might wonder....what happened? Where did I go wrong? Questions that will twist and turn into your head, leaving a sharp and distinguished pain you're already too familiar with.

Yes, I've been there too, I've – as Skid Row once masterfully put it- been a slave to the grind; yeah, it had to come from somewhere, how can I know about it unless I lived it. I 'm no genius, I 'm no psychic, and certainly I have not been the most insightful. Truth is, we were shaped, we were molded, to play that role, slaves, just slaves.... and the most funny part about it, is that we cannot see it, we cannot figure it out, ladies and gents, we've been the marionettes of one or many skillful puppeteers. We're here to serve, and unless we really see what's going on behind the curtains, we'll stay as servants.

OK enough with the pleasantries, it's time for me to go nietzschian on your ass; want answers to the questions? Want to go beyond? Want to break free? Then by all means, let us start the exploration of such ill-lived charade.

First of all let us determine why you let life drift you away, let it drag your ass down that vicious circle. OK, we're all humans, and since the beginning of time mankind has been on the quest to find ways not to do work .... say it isn't so, I dare you, I double dare you, I have got so many proofs that I can bury you under one millionth of their worth. Not convinced? Think horse back-riding, the wheel invention, steam engines, cars, trains, planes, all of these were means to replace man's feet in traveling; I know that this argument is without a doubt a very disturbing one, but it's true none-the-less, but do not understand me in a wrong way, I 'm not against finding an easier way to do things, but I 'm however concerned about the effect of these easy ways, yes, there's a price to pay for using these easier means, and I 'm not talking financially nor any other physical effect it has, I 'm simply talking about the effect on the human behavior. Not making sense to you yet? OK, let me spell it out for you, always using the easy way to do things will actually makes you use to the idea, I mean that it will be a habit of yours to go about your problems the easy way..... weird, hah? Not really, if you think about it really, you'll find it's true. So what does that have to do with the problem we have at hand? It's simple really, you go about life choosing not to deal with complicated details that stands between you and that dream of yours, you choose the easy way, which is the way out!!!

But again not all humans behaves the same, some really understand the effect of easier solutions, but however, they use them where there's no harm in using them, I mean that these humans will take the road least traveled in order to preserve their abilities as intelligent beings; yes, sometimes “re-inventing the wheel” has it's benefits, superior understanding of life dynamics is the most crucial one of them. However, some of the humans with these qualities are exploiting that specific choice of fellow humans, to render them willingly and blindly into their slaves. If you think long and deep, there're many examples of those, let me give me you a hint about the most famous one, the one who got us all fooled: if you own a personal computer, you most definitely know him. So let us recap in simple English, we're lazy by choice, and that laziness turns us into passive beings and it gives the chance to others with higher insight to exploit us.

So that is as far as your part of the blame goes, is there any other parts to consider? Yes, most definitely yes; have you forgotten that humans live within societies, within packs, within the herd as I like to call it, and here lies the problem, we have to embrace certain axioms that the society we live in imposes in order to be “accepted” … being different or thinking differently is frowned upon, different is unknown to others, not understandable by others, and as much as you and I know, what we do not understand we fear, and hence the struggle between the herd followers and the exceptional humans who use their brains for more than to plan 2 steps ahead. There's also another aspect to that fear of the different, different ways can succeed where conventional methodology fails, hence a certain type of jealousy can arise. A question here that imposes itself, why should you care about that social “acceptance” ? Why should cave in for such a lousy way of control? Why should you settle for an inferior life for the sake of the others? Are you not the one who lives your life? Think hard about that one, keeping your full potential from being achieved is your own fault as much as anyone else.

Rests now a very personal issue that no one likes to admit, how can you tell at what ends does the path you choose leads you? If you're denying it then you're -this is the nicest way I can put it- naive, no one knows really where life will take him/her, you can plan as much as you want, have maybe 5 gizillions plans as backup, but always the winds of life are unpredictable, maybe all the plans go south when you least expect it, and in split of a second all you have been building for is gone. Don't get me wrong again, planning is good, makes you think that you're in control, but truth is, planning is more of a security feeling, makes you feel right about the things you're doing, it is not as they say, work for it and you will get it, but however, if you think it will put your mind at ease, then by all means, plan away. There's another aspect of that specific subject, fear of going wrong about life or about the goals you want to achieve, and for that specific reason, you fear trying something new, because it is a big risk, going in blind into a new realm is a very terrifying, I know, but isn't that point of living, exploring the darkness until you find that silver line, and then there was light. The very definition of experiments is trying new ways, and what is living more than a series of experiences that proves that we might have thought right or thought wrong? On the other hand, if you kept your ways very conventional you would not know if your own ways could have made you bigger successes, and then the regret of not following that path that you once thought about becomes the most gray cloud covering the sun. It is ironic isn't it? Fear of going wrong actually gets you going wrong, aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh...... if one should know what lies ahead.

And so I've been mumbling the words that drives you insane, I crashed the moon into the earth; I've cut through that blindfold that covered your eyes and kept your mind at peace. I can't say I 'm to blame for that discomfort you feel now, it has been sitting, waiting, etching to break free from your sub-conscious; yes it has been there for the longest time now, and you ignored its cries to get out, that crazy thought that is there more in the world to see and that you should not go about life as another “living-dead”, after all, don't you think there's some reason in madness ???!!

Look Into My Eyes...

Look into my eyes, seek the truth you're asking for,

but I know that you will never dare,

keeps you that love you're afraid you would bare.

Look into my eyes, I will not lie for you no more.

Do you think I can't hear the longing in your voice?

Do you think I can't smell on your words the loneliness?

I see your world through your eyes, I feel that dark emptiness,

you're getting pleasure through your own pain, by your choice.

Look into my eyes, that mirror you won't look into,

you're fooling only yourself, if you think you're alright,

cover your eyes as much as you want, but you won't see the light,

look into my eyes, they only reflect what is true.

Seek the path of the truth free from all burdens, child,

its your only hope to survive, the way to become alive.

Seek real happiness, not the illusions you strive,

the imitation of a life you chose will only leave you riled.

In My Heavens

So with that grin I embrace the morning light,

letting all to pass, all to fade away.

As I crave the laughs, they come my way,

and again I feel the strength, folded by the white.

I walk the meadows, amongst green, yellow, and bright blue,

water so smoothly flows, reflecting the flare.

Filling my lungs, so sweet to breath that colors scented air,

I stare, I replete my mind of that image of harmony true.

That ticklish feeling brought by warmth, and peace of mind,

lift me to the skies, I surrender and close my eyes.

Here in my heavens, far away from all lies,

the feeling I have been searching for, happiness I will find.